A single off the debt album, Closed Caption, by deaf rapper, Deaf Sage.

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The Best Posse Cuts

A posse cut is a hip hop song by more than four rappers. A group itself cannot make a posse cut however, a crew can. Wu-Tang Clan, Hieroglyphics and any crews like this qualify for many posse cuts but I limited this list to one per crew. Freestyles were excluded since they’re not premeditated songs.

Here we go, from 15 to 1

15) Tie

Self-Destruction (KRS One, MC Lyte, Kool Moe Dee, Stetsasonic, D-Nice, Ms. Melodie, Doug E. Fresh, Just Ice, Heavy D, Public Enemy)

Doug E. Fresh: “Things been stated, re-educated, evaluated/thoughts of the past have faded.”

We’re All In The Same Gang (King Tee, Body & Soul, Def Jef, Michel’le, Tone Loc, Above the Law, Ice-T, Dr. Dre, MC Ren, JJ Fad, Young MC, Digital Underground, Oaktown’s 3.4.7., MC Hammer, Eazy E)

Young MC: “I try my best to set an example, sayin hype lyrics over hip-hop samples.”

14) What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock?) (Shaq & Fuschnicken)


Chip: “So howdy, my partner, I starts to get meaner/so ask Bob for hope, nope, not Mr. Bob Dobailina/oh, where has my mic gone? Tell me, have you seen her?/I stretch like a condom and gets plump like a wiener.”

13) Headbanger (EPMD, K-Solo, Redman)

Redman: “Surpise niggaz, the original p-funks you up/I take a hit from a spliff and then get biz with the new cut/because I can jam like teddy if you let me/a Goodfella but still rugged like Joe Pesci.”

12) Uni4orm (Cannabis, Ras Kass, Heltah Skeltah)

Cannabis: “I pulverize MC’s and blow up mics/from street corner cyphers to international web sites/I’ll run up on you and set it for no reason/my flows are like body-blows that cause internal bleeding.”

11) Live At The BBQ (Nas, Akinele, Large Professor, Fatal)

Nas: “Poetry attacks, paragraphs punch hard /my brain is insane, I’m out to lunch God /science is dropped, my raps are toxic /my voicebox locks and excels like a rocket.

10) The Symphony (Masta Ace, Craig G, Kool G Rap, Big Daddy Kane)

Kool G Rap: “When G Rap strikes the mic, I recite the type of hype that you like/and make the people unite, grip up hips and zip up lips/step on reps, you flip and wanna sip on my tip.”

9) Triumph (Wu-Tang Clan)

Inspektah Deck: “I bomb atomically, Socrates’ philosophies/and hypothesis can’t define how I be droppin these/mockeries, lyrically perform armed robbery/flee with the lottery, possibly they spotted me.”

8) What’s the Difference? (Dr. Dre, Phish, Xzibit, Eminem)

Xzibit: “Yo I stay wit it while you try to perpetrate, play wit it/never knew about the next level until Dre did it (yeah!)/I stay committed while you motherfuckers baby-sitted/I smash you critics like an overhand right from Riddick”

7) Flava In Ya Ear (Remix) (Craig Mack, Rampage, Notorious BIG, LL Cool J)

Busta Rhymes.: “Five new flavas on beat…feel the fuckin’ heat/I really think you should retreat while we blow up the street/instead of copping pleas just freeze, maintain the focus while we smoke these marijuana trees.”

6) Lafleur Laflah Eshkoshka (Fab 5 – Heltah Skeltah, Original Gun Clappaz, Buckshot)

Rockness Monsta: “Ay carumba, strang gun clappa number/one on the set and I’ll cut ya like lumber/still play the back in my thundergear, down to my underwear/make all you muthafuckas wonder where”

5) The Points (Notorious BIG, Coolio, Doodle Bug, Big Mike, Buckshot, Redman, Menace Clan, Heltah Skeltah, Bone Thugs, Jamal)

The four short verses by Bone is part of the reason this is one of the top 5 posse cuts of all time. Biggie, Buckshot, Redman and Jamal are all pretty good as well.

4) Soweto – (Pep Love, Tajai, Casual, Del, A-Plus, Opio of Hieroglyphics)

Del: “So I go astray throw aways blow away/every hope I hold today, we were sold as slaves/the sky is cold and grey, my niggas showed the way/so fan and listen now with this I see my golden age.”

3) Hit ‘Em Up – (Tupac & Outlawz, E.D.I. Mean, Hussein Fatal, Yaki Kadafi)

Tupac (Chorus): “Grab ya glocks, when you see Tupac/call the cops, when you see Tupac (uhh)/who shot me, but ya punks didn’t finish/now ya bout to feel the wrath of a menace nigga, I hit em’ up…”

2) Scenario (Tribe Called Quest & Leaders of the New School)

Phife Dawg: “Aiyyo Bo knows this (what?) and Bo knows that (what?)/but Bo don’t know jack, cause Bo can’t rap/well whaddya know? the Di-Dawg is first up to bat/no batteries included, and no strings attached.”

1) Notorious Thugs (Notorious BIG, Bone Thugs & Harmony)

Notorious: “Spit yo’ game, talk yo’ shit/grab yo’ gat, call yo’ click/squeeze yo’ clip, hit the right one/pass that weed, I got to light one/all them niggaz, I got ta fight one/all them hoes, I got ta like one/our situation is a tight one/whatcha gonna do, fight or run?”

Old Skool Is Now In Session 2

Old Skool is now in session…

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1. Keebler Magic Middles

In the mighty words of text language: OMG!!! Basically, it was a miniature cookie with chocolate fudge in the middle. Genius, Keebler! Simply genius. Also, kudos for the little Keebler Elf who keeps on hustling¬†to this day. At least they haven’t killed some of our favorite product characters. Not only that, but the lucky little bastards gets to the live in some cool, shady tree far away from the congested cities most of us live in…all while making cookies!

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2. Sports Cards

Back in the day, boys would trade cards. These were sports card, not of those bullshit Pokemon, Yugiyoh or Suckadik cards kids trade these days. The real reason sports cards lost 95% of their steam was the greedy ass manufacturers who produced them. Up until the late 80’s, early 90’s, packs of sports cards were .50-2.00 for the glossy stuff. All of the sudden, packs started getting into the $3-8 dollars range and kids (and parents) started saying, “Kiss my ass, I’m not paying that much!” It wasn’t long after that sports cards took a dive like Bear Stearns during the 2008 stock market crash. But collecting sports cards always provided you with something you may not get from a lot of other children’s hobbies: something that gets more valuable with time.

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3. Squeeze-It

What a great drink this was from one our favorite baking moms, Betty Crocker. It was called Squeeze-It because you it came in very efficient plastic bottles with a simple plastic top that twisted off with one turn. It wasn’t healthy or anything but for those who like sugary drinks, Squeeze-Its were the shit. These got replaced with bullshit like flavored water and zero calorie Coke, beverages that were created to make consumers think they’re drinking something healthy. Back then, you knew you were getting sugar and they didn’t beat around the bush about it.

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4. The Ren & Stimpy Show

South Park, Family Guy, or any other adult cartoon series really owes its respects to both The Simpsons and the often-forgotten Ren & Stimpy Show. If you don’t believe me, rent it or stream it or whatever the hell you do and see how disgusting it was. To this day, I still think it was the greatest cartoon ever invented. I used to piss myself from laughing so hard. The day I found out it was cancelled, I thought of plotting a horrible an attack on MTV. These days, I still want to attack MTV but now it’s because of that disgustingly pitiful show about teenaged losers they call Teen Mom.

Bad Movies That Are Good #1

Look, I’m not the be all, end all for movie opinions (Okay, actually I am) but generally, the movies listed below did not receive critical acclaim. Most of them are bad movies but bad doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t piss-in-your-pants funny or entertaining.

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Child’s Play 2¬†

Yes, it’s just another bad horror sequel and yes, there’s nothing for you to learn but…there’s a TON of laughs here. I don’t know, something about a little red-headed doll cursing like a sailor cracks me up. And while it’s not even in the same ballpark as the original Child’s Play, it’s still hilarious and entertaining.

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Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls

Plot-wise, this movie is terrible. I mean, honestly, who gives a shit about the search for an albino bat? But Jim Carrey still delivers laughs aplenty and the cameo by In Living Color co-star, Tommy Davidson is great. The spit part is great and, of course, the part where Ace extracts himself from a rhino’s ass (above) is hilarious.

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Ricochet

Can’t figure out why critics hated on this Denzel/John Lithgow thriller about a sociopathic criminal out for blood-curdling vengeance on the lawyer who did him in. Compared to the dog shit thrillers that have come out the last 10 years, this was should be a review. Either way, John Lithgow is an absolute maniac in this flick while Denzel, well, he plays the same guy he plays in just about every movie he does.

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Wildcats

There aren’t many great football movies out there nor is this but, come on, it’s definitely better than most. It’s got a lot of funny scenes and gives us Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson together before they ever made the classic White Men Can’t Jump. This movie also doesn’t get much respect for starting the end zone dancing craze in the NFL.

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Blood In, Blood Out

I’ll be the first to admit this flick about East L.A. gang life is pretty damn over-the-top but it’s a fun watch. This is basically a b-movie version of American Me except it’s more about gangs on the streets rather than gangs being run from inside a prison. Most of the acting in the movie sucks except for Benjamin Bratt who, go figure, is the only recognizable name in the cast. But if you watch it, you’ll forever be able to say, “Vatos Locos forever, ese!”

Did Ya Know…

CORPORATIONS

Thought I’d enlighten you on what products some of the biggest American corporations own. These companies take “They own everything” to another level.

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PEPSICO

One of your favorite soft drinks ain’t just a soft drink, pal. A lot of people have never in their entire life looked past Pepsi as anything other than a carbonated beverage when in fact it’s so much more. Consider the fact that PepsiCo owns these drinks: 7up, Mountain Dew, Tropicana, Lipton Ice Tea, , Naked, SoBe, and even Gatorade. Now, also consider the fact that PepsiCo owns Frito-Lay, Quaker Oats, Cheetos and Doritos and you’re looking at domination. Coca-Cola is the unstoppable force in the beverage industry but PepsiCo is a global juggernaut in the beverage and food processing sector. No wonder their commercials always kick ass at the Super Bowl. I wonder if PepsiCo sends free copies of their Super Bowl commercials as a “Fuck You” to Coca Cola every year.

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DISNEY

There’s a funny quote in Hollywood that goes “Disney owns everything” partly because it’s true. Disney is basically Hollywood’s pimp, storming down the red carpet and buying everything it can get its hands on. It’s great! It’s monopolizing at its best, really. But that’s okay because Disney’s got a knack for entertainment. We all know Mickey Mouse and the gang. But Disney also owns ABC, ESPN, Miramax Films, Hollywood Pictures, Touchstone Pictures, Jim Henson’s Muppets and all those fun amusement parks. Oh, and don’t forget about all that merchandise all over the planet. No wonder it’s the happiest god damn place on earth.

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JOHNSON & JOHNSON

You may think you own the place you’re living in if you pay rent and whatnot but Johnson & Johnson owns your medicine cabinet and other parts of your bathroom. The first thing you should know about Johnson & Johnson is that it is renown as an incredibly well-run company that ranks annually among the top 10 of the Forbes 100 Best Companies list. But with its resume of enough products to make your head spin, it probably is one of the best. Band-Aid, Benadryl, Bengay, Cortaid, Desitin, Immodium, K-Y (stop laughing, douche bag), Listerine, Motrin, Neutrogena, Nicorette, Nicoderm, Pepcid, Rembrandt, Rogaine, Rolaids, Sudafed, Tylenol, and Visine (Yes, stoners, VISINE!). Those are only the ones I know you’d have heard of. There’s many, many more. Johnson & Johnson is big pimpin’ the medicine cabinets. Hardcore.

Old Skool Is Now In Session 1

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AIRWOLF

Anyone remember this awesome helicopter series that ran from 1984-87 starring Ernest Borgnine and Jan-Michael Vincent? It was based on a high-tech military helicopter and the show had a running Cold War theme throughout. One of the funnest things about the show was Vincent’s role as the lead character and his name, Stringfellow Hawke. Anyone ever met a Stringfellow?

Ewoks

EWOKS

I’m a little annoyed with this one. George Lucas brings back the three part prequel to Star Wars 10 years ago with Episode I: The Phantom Menace and yet never did the Ewoks justice again. The Ewoks were some of the best things in the Star Wars movies and there was even an Ewok movie in the 80’s (it really sucked balls) but why not bring the furry little warriors back again? If Tickle-Me Elmo dolls can hit it big, there’s no reason not to think Ewoks can as well.

He-Man

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

“By the power of Grayskull…I HAVE THE POWER!!!” Every boy who grew up in the 80’s loved that line because it meant douchey Prince Adam had just transformed himself into his hard ass alter ego, He-Man. Skeletor was He-Man’s arch nemesis and they’d go back and forth kicking each other’s asses in the universe. It didn’t last long but the impression it left on us actually did.

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HACKEY SACKS

I’m not quite sure if hackey sacks are predominantly 80’s but they definitely blew up in the decade so I’m listing it. Everyone and their mother wanted one because they thought they’d look good kicking it around to their friends in a circle. One problem: hardly anyone could really do it right. These days, hackey sacks are still around, especially at party schools with a lot of pot heads. I don’t know why that is though.

Hip Hop Classics

I’ve made a list, in no particular order, of some of the greatest hip hop albums of all time, stop pop culture style. Most of these albums dropped before hip hop had even become “pop culture”. Please, feel free to lend more as these aren’t the be all, end all.

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Nas – Illmatic

Some consider this to be the greatest hip hop album of all time although I tend to disagree, albeit due to personal reasons, not facts. However, this classic lesson in true hip hop can’t be disputed as one of the best since damn near every track hits hard and Nas’s lyrical flow is hard to stop listening to.

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Del the Funkee Homosapien – I Wish My Brother George Was Here

This is one of those Pulp Fiction albums of greatness: it’s not great fundamentally but incredibly innovative and difference, hence, making it incredible. This was Del’s introduction to hip hop fans and there were no questions asked afterwards knowing now that Del was an incredibly gifted rapper as well as one of strangest son of a bitches hip hop will ever know.

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Nia – Blackalicious

Any true hip hop head will tell you it’d be hard to find a better rapper than Gift of Gab from Blackalicious. There really isn’t anything he can’t do on the mic. If you really want proof of this, Nia is the album for you. And, if you have a chance, download or buy the single “Swan Lake” that Gift of Gab did with DJ Shadow around the same time, one of the greatest hip hop songs of all time. ‘Nuff said.

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Freestyle Fellowship – Innercity Griots

Quite possibly the album that put underground hip hop on the map forever, Fellowship’s Innercity Griots is a classic to anyone who knows about hip hop on the west coast. You mentioned Fellowship (nobody bothers with the word Freestyle anymore) on the left coast and you’re bound to run into some smiles. Aceyalone and Mikah 9 lead the way of the lyrically gifted Los Angeles hip hop ensemble definitely worthy of a listen and a buy.

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Notorious B.I.G. – Ready to Die

Here’s something interesting: I’m a west coast guy however, you will not see any Tupac albums on this list. Why? None were quite good enough. 2Pac had some classic, great songs, but not any true classic albums. At least not in my book. From first song to last song, Ready to Die is incredible. What’s funny is the big hits from Biggie’s first album (Juicy, Big Papa, One More Chance) aren’t even the best song. The title track, Ready to Die, is incredible. Listen to it. Then, listen to it again and again and again until you realize how damn good it is.

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The Roots – Do You Want More?!!!??!

Ah, the Roots, possibly the most gifted hip hop ensemble all around since they make all of their music with instruments and have a great rapper to boot. When this album dropped, it blew everybody in the world of hip hop away. The songs were jazzy but hit hard and still remained mellow and melodious. What’s great about the Roots is they have a unique sound that’s impossible to mimic and their first album is a very indicative of this.

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Tribe Called Quest -Midnight Marauders

Yes, you may think I’m a whack job with this choice since so many hip hop fans would pick Tribe’s first or second album as their best however, their third installment was a complete sleeper and therefore makes this list on that little fact alone. Tribe fans tend to get caught up in their Bonita Apple Bum and Scenario days, both classic hip hop tracks. The final cut on this album, God Lives Through, is one for the ages, and an incredibly fun song to listen to if you’re a hip hop fan that goes way back. To hear Tribe name some of their hip hop brethren in this song always gives me the goose bumps.

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New Jersey Drive Soundtrack Vol. 1 & 2

I don’t think any of our newer hip hop heads have ever heard of New Jersey Drive or its classic soundtrack, an album that was far better than the movie it was made for. There’s so many hidden gems on these two volumes that it’s hard to pick which ones stand out but “You Won’t Go Far” by O.C. and Organized Konfusion is one of the better tracks. But this purely east coast lineup is damn hard to beat just to name a few of them: Organized Konfusion, O.C., Black Moon, Outkast, Redman and Notrious B.I.G. Buy this album and show it off to all your homies that have never heard of it.

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DJ Shadow – Entroducing

Quite possibly the greatest musical hip hop achievement of all time, DJ Shadow’s first album, Entroducing, is one of the most amazing gifts to your ear you will ever receive. Listen as he takes you on the most incredible journey through the sounds of hip hop that you will ever take in your life. This man is so damn gifted and this album so great that it doesn’t even need rapping in it. It should be every rapper’s dream to make a song with DJ Shadow at the helm because his beats are perfectly constructed without even a minor blemish. If you haven’t heard this album, GET IT!!! All you need to do is shut your pie hole and listen to hip hop music at its finest.